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Posted by on Apr 22, 2014 in Blog, Featured | 0 comments

The #Aftersex Trend

The #Aftersex Trend Imagine the perfect day with your partner: You spend it enjoying all your favorite activities together — posting every step of the way, of course, this being a modern relationship — and cap it off with a passionate and fun romp in bed. Hey, maybe we should take a picture of ourselves right afterwards and post that too! Welcome to #Aftersex, the latest trend for people who just can’t get enough of their personal life on display. So now, not only do we know when Candace had an amazing dinner with her besties, or when Caleb made the best smoothie ever, we also know within moments of their most recent climax. Now that, our friends, is seriously in the loop! But before we get too cynical, is it possible that this is a form of modern art or perhaps a sweet, tech-enhanced way of expressing love for one’s partner? Uh, possibly we guess. But it seems a lot more like just another way for people to chase the sweet song of public affirmation of themselves and everything they do, everywhere they go and everything they like. The aftersex selfies we’ve seen (and yes, our job does require this kind of research from time to time) skew predominantly toward the twenty-something set. Could it be that millennials have become so fish-bowled (our term) that even during their most private, intimate moments, they’re already thinking of how it’s going to play on Instagram? At a certain point, don’t intimate moments lose their intimacy? On the bright side, the #aftersex movement has spawned some hilarious parodies (see below). Let’s hope this whole thing becomes a forgotten joke before you can say “cheese.”     For more information about living with #aftersex challenges, please click here.   Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw Clinical Psychologists, Certified Sex Addiction Therapists and Certified Sex Therapists. Drs. Bill and Ginger Bercaw are the only Licensed Clinical Psychologists who hold both the Certified Sex Therapist Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and Certified Sex Therapist (CST) certifications. ​info@drsbercaw.com 626.375.9483 ​...

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Conscious UnCoupling

Posted by on Mar 29, 2014 in Blog, Featured | 0 comments

Conscious UnCoupling

Conscious UnCoupling “The conscious uncoupling model is so incredibly sound in terms of the pro-relational attitudes and skills it teaches, but it’s like waiting until you have a mouthful of cavities to start brushing and flossing. Good as a rule at any time, but waaaay better on the early side of things.” – Drs. Bill and Ginger Bercaw Today the world woke up to some shocking news and a new entry into our cultural lexicon. No, it had nothing to do with Malaysian flight 370 or the conflict in Crimea or the tragic mudslide in Oso, Washington. No, this was bigger than all three combined. Gwyneth and Chris were through (as announced by Gwyneth’s every-woman website, Goop.com). Well, they didn’t quite put it in such clear terms, but instead introduced the term “conscious uncoupling” into everyone’s morning commute. Now lest you think this is a term bantered about in shrink-land, we can assure you that we had never heard of it, and a quick sampling of our colleagues told us we hadn’t been asleep at the wheel.  Some efficient research revealed that conscious uncoupling is the modern alternative to divorce. Well, you still split up, but on your way to ending your marriage, you learn how to have a great relationship with each other (more on this later). This is done with great intentionality, carefully choosing to avoid blame and resentment in order to keep negative energy at bay.  Rather than working against each other (or having each spouse’s lawyers work against each other) the emphasis is on working together. Hard to argue with that approach, especially when kids are in the mix. But some deeper digging exposed a philosophical underpinning of conscious uncoupling: Due to increasing life expectancies, humans cannot be expecting to stay married forever.  In other words, if you do stay married long enough, eventually the romance will run its course and each partner should be prepared to bow out gracefully. Conscious uncoupling provides the approach for a soft landing during this inevitable transition. So this got us thinking… intentionally caring for your relationship by: Giving it the time and attention it needs, Striving to own personal responsibility for relationship dissatisfaction, Proactively avoiding blame and resentment, Modeling healthy-relating for our children, Choosing to contribute positive relational energy, If couples took such conscious steps consistently during their marriage — not waiting until they have drifted so far off course — and with an eye toward continually increasing their bond, wouldn’t this decrease the need for the UN-coupling part? The conscious uncoupling model is so incredibly sound in terms of the pro-relational attitudes and skills it teaches, but it’s like waiting until you have a mouthful of cavities to start brushing and flossing. Good as a rule at any time, but waaaay better on the early side of things. So here’s to hoping these trendsetters find peace in their uncoupling transition, and that married couples everywhere go as far as they can to get the UN out of there....

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