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The Sad Irony of the Ashley Madison Hack

Posted by on Jul 28, 2015 in Blog, Featured | 0 comments

The Sad Irony of the Ashley Madison Hack

 “Life is short – have an affair.” That devil on your shoulder Ashley Madison slogan gets us every time. It triggers a scrunched-face, head-shaking reaction, like biting into a mealy peach. Why? It’s because we see the devastating consequences of people acting on AM’s philosophy in our practice on a daily basis: Pain. Raw, penetrating, consuming and infinitely deep pain. The kind of pain that betrayal causes like nothing else can. The kind of pain that shakes a trusting spouse’s faith not only in one’s partner, but in humanity and in God. The kind of pain that coats everything around it, making us want to go home and shower immediately. And if last weeks’ headlines regarding 37.5 million AM users’ info on the verge of being exposed are true, there’s about to be a whole lot more pain in this world. How sad that so many millions feel entitled to keep one foot in their marriage, pretending to go along with their marital vow of fidelity, and the other in a secret world where they can post their sexual preferences to see if there is a suitable extra-marital fit out there. Of course, affairs existed long before James Madison, let alone Ashley. According to The Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, nearly 50 percent of married women and 60 percent of married men will have an extramarital affair at some point in their marriage. When you consider that these statistics nearly doubled in the decade between 2004-2014, it’s clear that something is driving this cheating trend. Yes, there are societal factors — working longer hours while wages have remained flat; raising kids at a distance from nuclear families; technology providing an omnipresent distraction — that cumulatively have made it more challenging to be a closely connected couple than ever before. But what about the effects of the rapidly growing “affair technology?” It’s not just Ashley Madison, but also businesses like Adult Friend Finder, or Fling.com and Craigslist’s “Casual Encounters.” The very existence and huge popularity of such instant affair facilitators both serves and creates a need. The high visibility of these affair websites validates the cheating spouse’s ideas about an affair as a strong option and can serve as an internal justification: “Obviously, I’m not the only one.” But what makes these sites survive is not just their ease of use or their guilt-reducing effects. It’s the promise of anonymity. How ironic that this promise turned out to be as empty as the one each AM user made to his/her spouse and also that the AM users drawn to a site designed to make betrayal as easy as possible now find themselves feeling betrayed. While we hate to think of the pain that will flow from the release of AM users’ information (allegedly including sexual preferences), we are hopeful that it will mark the decline of the online affair facilitating industry. We are also hopeful that the couples affected will find skilled professional help in healing their damaged marriage – not only can it be done, but the couples that resolve to deal directly with such ruptures often wind up more intimately connected than before the affair. There are steps that affected couples can take that will go a long way toward helping them get started on a healing path. Is it too much to hope that the AM hack could spur a mass reflection on the meaning of commitment? Or that it might give pause to spouses who are tempted to cheat? Or that it might even prompt an anti-affair movement? We know that every marriage is not destined to endure forever, but what’s even clearer is that when one is chronically dissatisfied in one’s marriage, there are far better options than cheating, no matter how easy, trendy or discreet it may seem. Perhaps a new tag line is in order: “Life is short: Make the most of your marriage – or leave it honorably.” Now What? Just Found Out? Click Here for Help.   Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw Clinical Psychologists, Certified Sex Addiction Therapists and Certified...

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Fox News: How Pillow Talk Can Help Save a Relationship

Posted by on Jan 19, 2015 in Blog, Featured | 0 comments

Fox News: How Pillow Talk Can Help Save a Relationship

Giving the Bedroom a Boost Of all the possible ways to breathe new energy into your Bedroom, “Pillow Talk” is often overlooked. Watch as Dr. Ginger and Dr. Bill sit down with Carol Alt of Fox News to explain how to use Pillow Talk to provide a boost not only to your sex life but to your emotional intimacy as well.   Watch the Video  Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw Clinical Psychologists, Certified Sex Addiction Therapists and Certified Sex Therapists. Drs. Bill and Ginger Bercaw are the only Licensed Clinical Psychologists who hold both the Certified Sex Therapist Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and Certified Sex Therapist (CST) certifications. ​info@drsbercaw.com 626.375.9483...

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Sexual Fantasies Shared on Access Hollywood with Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw

Posted by on Sep 5, 2014 in Blog, Featured | 0 comments

Sexual Fantasies Shared on Access Hollywood with Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw

Sexual Fantasy – Separating Fact from Fiction On Access Hollywood Live, Drs. Bill and Ginger Bercaw joined Access’ Billy Bush to discuss sexual fantasies.  “Ever wonder if fantasies have a place in your relationship? How would you respond if your partner shared a fantasy with you? How would you introduce a fantasy to your partner? And what do those Adirondack chairs really mean? Drs. Bill and Ginger Bercaw cover all of this and more in their latest Access Hollywood Live interview.”   Watch the Video      Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw Clinical Psychologists, Certified Sex Addiction Therapists and Certified Sex Therapists. Drs. Bill and Ginger Bercaw are the only Licensed Clinical Psychologists who hold both the Certified Sex Therapist Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and Certified Sex Therapist (CST) certifications. ​info@drsbercaw.com 626.375.9483...

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Pillow Talk from Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw on Access Hollywood

Posted by on Jun 26, 2014 in Featured, Past Appearances | 0 comments

Pillow Talk from Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw on Access Hollywood

Pillow Talk On Access Hollywood Live, Drs. Bill and Ginger Bercaw joined Access’ Billy Bush and guest co-host Suzanne Somers to discuss the do’s and don’t’s of pillow talk.    Watch the Video     Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw Clinical Psychologists, Certified Sex Addiction Therapists and Certified Sex Therapists. Drs. Bill and Ginger Bercaw are the only Licensed Clinical Psychologists who hold both the Certified Sex Therapist Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and Certified Sex Therapist (CST) certifications. ​info@drsbercaw.com 626.375.9483...

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Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw on Fox

Posted by on May 15, 2014 in Featured | 0 comments

Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw on Fox

Guests on Fox Studio 11 LA Drs. Bill and Ginger Bercaw were on Fox’s Studio 11 LA’s show to talk about their book, “From The Living Room to the Bedroom, a Modern Couples Guide to Sexual Abundance and Lasting Intimacy.” They also talked about how couples can get the “love” back in their relationship, kid-proofing your marriage, low male sex drive, things to talk about before you say, “I Do.” Watch the Video Initially Posted by: Shelly Insheiwat, Web Producer / Editor – email Read and see more here:     Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw Clinical Psychologists, Certified Sex Addiction Therapists and Certified Sex Therapists. Drs. Bill and Ginger Bercaw are the only Licensed Clinical Psychologists who hold both the Certified Sex Therapist Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and Certified Sex Therapist (CST) certifications. ​info@drsbercaw.com 626.375.9483...

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The #Aftersex Trend

Posted by on Apr 22, 2014 in Blog, Featured | 0 comments

The #Aftersex Trend

The #Aftersex Trend Imagine the perfect day with your partner: You spend it enjoying all your favorite activities together — posting every step of the way, of course, this being a modern relationship — and cap it off with a passionate and fun romp in bed. Hey, maybe we should take a picture of ourselves right afterwards and post that too! Welcome to #Aftersex, the latest trend for people who just can’t get enough of their personal life on display. So now, not only do we know when Candace had an amazing dinner with her besties, or when Caleb made the best smoothie ever, we also know within moments of their most recent climax. Now that, our friends, is seriously in the loop! But before we get too cynical, is it possible that this is a form of modern art or perhaps a sweet, tech-enhanced way of expressing love for one’s partner? Uh, possibly we guess. But it seems a lot more like just another way for people to chase the sweet song of public affirmation of themselves and everything they do, everywhere they go and everything they like. The aftersex selfies we’ve seen (and yes, our job does require this kind of research from time to time) skew predominantly toward the twenty-something set. Could it be that millennials have become so fish-bowled (our term) that even during their most private, intimate moments, they’re already thinking of how it’s going to play on Instagram? At a certain point, don’t intimate moments lose their intimacy? On the bright side, the #aftersex movement has spawned some hilarious parodies (see below). Let’s hope this whole thing becomes a forgotten joke before you can say “cheese.”     For more information about living with #aftersex challenges, please click here.   Drs. Bill & Ginger Bercaw Clinical Psychologists, Certified Sex Addiction Therapists and Certified Sex Therapists. Drs. Bill and Ginger Bercaw are the only Licensed Clinical Psychologists who hold both the Certified Sex Therapist Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and Certified Sex Therapist (CST) certifications. ​info@drsbercaw.com 626.375.9483 ​...

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